Did you know that my Chinese name was given to me based on my BaZi (Chinese astrology) chart?
I grew up hearing about BaZi this, Feng Shui that, but it didn't really mean anything to me aside from being just a Chinese thing that Chinese people followed.
Especially after we moved to Australia when I was 5 years old.
I had to quickly adjust to a new country, new language, new school, new way of living. My parents had me reading and memorising the Confucian classics so I wouldn't "lose my Chinese", but I absolutely hated it! All I wanted at the time was to fit in, and this was just another reminder of how different I was.
My teenage years were spent helping my parents raise my baby sisters and being the responsible, mature, reliable, "good girl" eldest daughter I was proud of being.
And because I had no idea what I wanted to do, nor did I have any knowledge of what potential paths were out there, I fell into studying Creative Writing at uni, purely because it felt fun to me.
*Note: I still had no idea who I was or what I really wanted to do though.
And I ended up losing myself even more in my uni years.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship where he slowly chipped away at the parts of me that didn't fit the life he wanted for himself, and when I became interested in spiritual modalities and started getting my Feng Shui accreditation, he commented that I should do something more "acceptable".
I'd spent my whole life making myself palatable to fit in. This was just another version of that.
And when I tried to leave after he cheated, he told me he didn't know what he might do to himself.
So I stayed. For 2 more years.
Eventually, I got out. I was 24, and feeling more lost than ever - so I went searching.
I didn't know what I was looking for exactly...
purpose? direction? some kind of proof that I was more than just the version of me that had just survived the last few years?
And so I found Western astrology.
For the first time, I saw that my emotional depth wasn't "too much". That the way I saw the world wasn't weird or wrong. That there was a blueprint for who I was and it was beautiful.
I was hooked.
For the next 4 years it was my world - the language, the spirituality / astrology community on social media - I was finally part of something!
Except - surprise, surprise, I still didn't really belong.
I had constant imposter syndrome, that nagging feeling that I wasn't really one of them, that I was performing belonging rather than actually having *it*. I didn't realise at the time that it wasn't my knowledge or my skills that were the problem.
It was that I was only bringing half of myself to the table.
One day it just hit me -
WTF am I, a Chinese girlie with the wisdom of an entire ancient culture behind me, doing? Why the F was I trying to squeeze myself into a spiritual community that was never built for me?
I had completed my BaZi Foundations back when I became nationally accredited in Feng Shui, so duh - I went straight back to it, starting my Advanced BaZi studies, and joining my mum in learning ancient Chinese wisdom from a Dao shifu back in China.
I had also spent the last few years doing the uncomfortable work of unpacking my own internalised Sinophobia.
The shame around being Chinese, around claiming a practice that was mine by birthright, around taking up space as a Chinese woman in a world that had spent years telling me to be "good".
It opened everything up at once. Where Western astrology showed me who I was on the inside, Chinese metaphysics showed me the patterns and cycles of my life, and Dao practices taught me how to connect with my life essence Qi to live a healthy life that was authentic to ALL of me.
I've never felt more aligned or clearer on what my purpose is this lifetime.
I'm here to give fellow Chinese women who have also felt caught between their heritage and upbringing - the full map of their inner world, identity, and destiny.
Awaken the wisdom that's encoded in your bones. Take your life and destiny into your own hands. Because when you stop believing you're not enough, and start seeing that all these parts of you make you more, you step into a confidence and knowing nobody can ever take from you.
I'm still completing my Advanced Bazi studies - and if you want to know the full toolkit & qualifications I bring to this work, you can find it here: